Language Matters | S1E7 (E007)
You know that critic voice in your head right? ;-) I know you do! I have her too! The truth is, those words that our inner voice uses, and the words that we say to others, and the words we hear others say to us, those words impact our biology in ways I would never have imagined. In recent years, scientists have begun to uncover the inner workings of our thoughts and the effect on biology. Which means, that by paying attention to your language, you can have a positive impact on your health! Listen in on the conversation that Evie & Toréa have around how much Language Matters.
In This Episode
Psychoneuroimmunology and its role with language (01:59)
Two key words to look out for (04:09)
Scarcity vs abundance mindset (11:00)
Pivoting thoughts (13:32)
Language must match the destination (16:27)
Caring for mental health in chronic illness (18:48)
Evie’s personal example (25:17)
The “all or nothing” trap (29:58)
Resources Mentioned:
Information on Psychoneuroimmunology
Join the Optimized Wellness Community
Submit your question for the show!
Transcript
Toréa Rodriguez 0:08
Welcome to the Wildly Optimized Wellness podcast. I am your host, Toréa Rodriguez. And I'm joined by the lovely co host, Evie Takacs. Both of us our Functional Diagnostic Nutrition practitioners and we love working with women from all over the world, through our virtual programs, helping women not only feel better, but actually achieve that vibrant, no holds barred version of themselves, they've been missing for a long time, and how we actually get there. Well, that is what this show is all about. Now, please keep in mind that this podcast is created for educational purposes only and should never be used as a replacement for medical diagnosis or treatment. And if you like what you hear today, we would love for you to hit that follow button, leave a review in Apple podcast, share with your friends, and keep coming back for more. Let's start today's adventure shall we?
Welcome back to another episode, and today we're going to talk about why language matters so much in regards to a healing journey or optimizing your wellness. This was an area that I never paid attention to until many many years into my healing journey. And quite frankly, I was just kind of like language? What does language have to do with biology? That's just a language we speak right? Does it matter if it's Italian or English or whatever? Like? What are you talking about language is important? When I say language matters with regards to health, Evie, what comes to mind for you?
Evie Takacs 1:49
For me, it immediately makes me think of the words that we say to ourselves and the thoughts that we have about ourselves regarding our health.
Toréa Rodriguez 1:59
Absolutely. And that's exactly what I'm trying to bring to awareness here in this conversation, right is that it's the words we say to ourselves. So it's that self talk that we've all got going on, right? It's like, we're not crazy. We do hear voices in our heads, at least most of us do. Right? And it's it's self talk. It also is, interestingly enough, it's the language that we say outward to other people, when we're communicating to other people. If we start to pay attention to what those language patterns are, we can get a lot of clues as to what might be holding us back from healing or achieving a certain habit or achieving a certain health goal. And so there are certain like language patterns, when we're paying attention to our self talk. Most of us are, I don't know about you, but I am my own worst critic? I can get down on myself and like be really mean, you know, I would never do that to somebody else. But I can do it to myself pretty easily. And that's the kind of language that our brain will start to pay attention to. And then there's this, I've discovered this subset of science that just makes me light up with sparkles practically, but it's called psycho neuro immunology. And what the scientists are doing in that field of study is they're studying the way that our thought patterns are in the brain, and how they affect our neurology and our immunology. So we can really control some of that inner relationship between what's going on in between the ears, so to speak, and the biology itself. Language patterns that I look for are things like, I can't, or I won't be able to do X, Y, or Z, or making these assumptions of not being able to achieve something. So that's the language pattern that we're starting to see. And notice that keeps people limited when you're working with clients Evie, what kinds of phrases do you hear when you're working with clients, especially in the beginning?
Evie Takacs 4:09
I hear a lot of the words always, or I never, or I can never do this, or this is how it's always been, or I always struggle with this, or I can never stick to a plan. Or this never works for me. Those are a lot of the words as two main words. And it is very subtle when they say it. It's almost like they just say it and then they move on to the next sentence. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Let's let's take a pause there. What did you just say? And then we start really breaking that down of like, Well, is it true that you can never do this, right? And breaking that down and really asking ourselves those questions because it is easy when we are defeated. And we've been struggling with something for a long period of time to feel like this is our destiny. So that language is very easy to establish, but those are a lot of the things that I hear and I'm not immune to that. I certainly do that myself. I still have that self talk sometimes where I'm like, "This always happens to me every year" or "this is, you know, every few months, I get like this". And it's like, well, is that just what I've experienced recently? So I'm making it sound like it's something that always happens.
Toréa Rodriguez 5:16
Those are really key words that you just mentioned, right? It's the absolute words, Always and Never like, those are words that I've been taught as a coach to really pay attention to. Because what that means that statement is really a belief. And that belief is the piece that's keeping us limited, yet we've accepted that belief to be true. And the real question is, is that really true? So bless Byron` Katie, for coming up with her four questions that are so easy is like, is that really true? Is that always true? 110% of the time, right? Is it true for everybody? And who are we being when that statement is true? And I think that is one of the questions that's the most poignant to work with a client on, because that is the piece that shows us how it's limiting us. Like, "oh, my gosh, I'm never going to be able to heal." I hear that a lot. "I'm never going to be able to do X, Y, or Z again." And those are the kinds of things that can keep us back. And so the the beautiful thing of it is we can flip it on its head and say, Well, who would we be if that weren't true?
Evie Takacs 6:25
Yeah, yeah. What would we be thinking? What would we be doing?
Toréa Rodriguez 6:30
Yeah. And so that is something that I really love about this kind of paying attention to the language, because oftentimes, what's limiting us to achieve whatever our health goals are, has nothing to do with what we're eating, nothing to do with what we're doing for movement, nothing to do with our sleep, nothing to do with the supplements, nothing to do with the labs, right? It's all this like, the language that has become normal for that moment that we're basically falling prey to. So we're falling into our own trap of believing our own beliefs. And we all do this, this is a human thing that we do. And paying attention to that language is super important.
Evie Takacs 7:13
Yeah, I mean, I would say just from personal experience, I do think that I have had the most success in my healing process, when I have better self talk.` You know, because I can follow a protocol to a tee, I can be all in on supplements, on diet, on movement on sleep, mostly on stress management. But if I again, if I'm not working on the things and the thoughts that are in my own head, and the way that I'm viewing myself, it's really, really difficult for me to capitalize on that protocol. That's always like the underlying foundation to the protocols, the supplements are great. Food can be really great. But again, I've noticed in myself, I've only had the best success that I've had, when I've been working on this stuff that you're talking about right now.
Toréa Rodriguez 7:59
Yeah. What was really cool when I started learning more and more about this was, I was reading one of Dr. Joe Dispenza's books. And what's fascinating about his work, for me, anyway, is when he does a conference or a live event, he actually does studies, like scientific studies. So he gave this example where he was doing a live event. So he had a bunch of people probably I don't remember what the n-number size was of this study. But I would say it was probably a couple 100 people at this live event, and it was over a weekend. And they took samples of Secretory IgA. Secretory, IGA is one of those antibodies that we secrete when the immune system is just getting fired off. So it's kind of used as a marker of like baseline, where's your immune system status. And we want to have pretty decent levels of Secretory IgA so that our immune response is stronger, and it shows kind of breft of the immune system, you know. And so they took samples before, and then they took samples after. But what they asked the participants to do during the two or three day event was to really envision gratitude and feel gratitude, like really load up that feeling. That's how I talked about loading up feelings, but to really feel the feeling of gratitude for about 10 minutes, three times a day, which really, that's kind of a thought process that's I'm recalling things that I'm grateful for, or I'm recognizing things in my environment that I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for in my own personal tenacity or whatever it happens to be right loading up that feeling of gratitude. And then they measured it at the end of the event. And what was astounding to me as they had something like a four fold increase in Secretory IgA. Now I'm not remembering the exact numbers from the study, because I did go find the study that was published, but there is not one supplement `or one food, like we can't take enough echinacea to do that for the immune system. And we can't take any supplement to do that for the immune system. And so that was really amazing to me to really see that, wow, what we are thinking and the emotions that we're feeling as a result of what we're thinking really does trickle down into the biology. And so if we're constantly telling ourselves... "I can never stick to a plan," or "I can never get this habit dialed in," or "I'm never going to feel better," chances are, the body is going to respond to that in a particular way. And not in the way that we want.
Evie Takacs 10:39
Definitely, yeah. And I think that's helpful for people who are very science based and who like to have that information, because it just is reinforcing what we're saying. And it's giving you that indication of hey, you know, you really do need to think about your thoughts, because these are influencing your particular, your particular response and your particular success with your protocol as well.
Toréa Rodriguez 11:00
Yeah, it absolutely is. And so, you know, it's one of those things that if we start paying attention to... Most of the clients that I have deal with this kind of issue, right? And so it becomes, as the job of the coach, this is how I see my job, it's my job to help them see this language, and also help them recognize that we're not bad people for thinking these thoughts, right? We just get kind of trapped into these kinds of habits and patterns with our thoughts. And so helping them switch it around so that we can develop an abundance mindset so to speak, right? So this is kind of the difference between a scarcity mindset and an abundance mindset. Scarcity Mindset is really focusing on all the things we can't have, or why we shouldn't be doing things or why we can't have things. So you've probably heard the, "this is why we can't have nice things," right? That phrase is an example of a scarcity mindset. Whereas an abundance mindset is of the opposite, where we're thinking about all the things that we can have, or Wow, look at all the things I do have today. You know, that's, that's where gratitude comes in, is that gratitude helps us really see that abundance mindset of like, wow, I really have a lot of wonderful things in my life, I have a lot of beautiful, wonderful people that I surround myself with. And I'm very lucky to even get down to the basics. I'm very lucky to have a mattress to wake up on in the morning, right? So we can really generate that feeling and that abundance mindset, even looking at the little tiniest little things that we have in our environment.
Evie Takacs 12:43
Yeah, one of the questions that I asked myself, when I was really noticing how important this mindset work was, when I started really digging deep, deep into my health was I asked myself, Why not me? Like, why can't I get through this? Why have I been thinking that I'm immune to healing? So, you know, a lot of times sports teams will be like, why not? Us? Why aren't we worthy of it? Like, you know, it's our turn, it's, we can win this game or whatever. And I thought about that with myself of why not me? Why can't I have this healing? Why can't I get better? Why wouldn't this work for me, and that really changed. That was the abundant mindset that I was lacking for a really long time. And as soon as that clicked, and I really thought, I am worthy of getting better. That's when I started to really see things shift.
Toréa Rodriguez 13:32
Right? And the difference in the language that you're using is why not me? Versus Why can't I ever? And that's usually how we think about it as why can't I ever get past this roadblock? And instead, you're flipping it around. Why not me, other people have done it. So what's so different about me and that was a key turning point, I think in I had a real interesting pivot in my health journey, where when I had been diagnosed with Hashimoto's, I was still engaging a lot with the Western medical system and working with an endocrinologist. And he was trying to double medication, this setting the other and I was trying to go back to flying so I was fixated on we need to fix the TSH so I can pass my aviation medical so I can go back to flying for a living. And, you know, when he came back and said, Well, I don't really know what else to do except for to irradiate the thyroid and cut out the rest of the tissue. That was a pivot point in my thinking about this because Hashimoto's is so common. Why is this one so difficult to treat? Like why can't I heal this in a way that doesn't require massive surgery and radiation. And so I was able to pivot that and just take a step back and take a break leave of absence which I'm technically still on that leave of absence 10 years later, but you know, it's like being able to really focus in on, okay, how can we make this work, as opposed to just figuring like, gosh, I must be unique, and I'm totally unsolvable. And I'm not fixable, and I'm gonna be broken, like all of that language, right? The body hears it. And that's what keeps us super stuck.
Evie Takacs 15:24
Yeah, one thing that you said to me early on, when we started working together as client coach was, you just haven't turned over the right stone yet. And that really, really helped me because, like you said, I thought, Well, why can't I figure this out? And why does my case seem to be so difficult? And so to have that approach, it really softened me up and it gave me hope of, I just haven't turned over that stone yet of what the next road I need to go down. When you said that about you with aviation and how you thought like, Why would my case be so difficult? That made me think of that is that's another way that I think we get stuck with our language is like, why is this so hard for me? Or why can't I figure this out? And it's like, maybe you just start turning over the wrong stones. And you just haven't found that right one yet. So again, it's that language and that optimism, and the belief that it's not exclusive to you that like you can't get a solution, right? Like, I think everyone can find that it's just a matter of turning over the right stones, having the right team working with you. And having that belief that it's possible for you to heal.
Toréa Rodriguez 16:27
Yeah, I was brought up to believe basically, that if you put your mind to it, you'll figure out a way. If you want something bad enough, and you put your mind to it, and put a little effort behind it, you're gonna figure out a way. And I'm so grateful for having that upbringing, because I think that's what helps me understand this languaging a little bit better, and start to think about it from a different perspective, instead of really allowing my current circumstances because we all have current circumstances, you know, not feeling well, or I just lost somebody in my family, and so I'm experiencing grief, like, we all have current circumstances, whether it's financial, or whatever that happens to be. But oftentimes, we allow those circumstances to drive the thinking, and drives the thought patterns. And so when we're looking at our current circumstances, we don't recognize really, that our language really for us in order to heal, needs to actually match the destination and where we're going. And so that's something that I think is, it's challenging, because what we're faced with in the now present moment, is our current circumstances. But what we're also faced with in the now in the present moment is that destination and that possibility of where we're headed. And so if we keep our eyes on the prize, so to speak, or keep our eyes on the ball, then our language can help us get there a lot more quickly than focusing in on why I can't or, you know, all the reasons, I can't do this X, Y, or Z, because I've got to take Timmy to soccer practice, like whatever that happens to be. Those are things that can keep us limited. And then we can ask ourselves, well, how can I do those things and still get to where I need to go?
Evie Takacs 18:16
Definitely, I think playing the long game is really, really important when dealing with chronic illness. That's huge. And so keeping that perspective is really important, because I think we, you know, we live in a culture and society where we get things pretty quickly, you know, there's this instant gratification if we order something, we most likely can get it the same afternoon. So I think that remembering that our health is not one of those things, and that you do have to play the long game and understand that it's going to be those little tiny things you do every day that might seem minute that are actually going to help you reach your goals.
Toréa Rodriguez 18:48
Right. The difference between functional medicine and the side of healing that you and I are on versus typical western medicine pieces, like this is how I think of it even though it's not sorry, that was too much of a generalization. But these things that we're dealing with the chronic illness, the chronic symptoms, the not feeling well, that takes a long period of time to build up. And we tend to forget that because it's not like we got into a car crash, and now we're in the ER getting our arm mended. That is a shorter period of time. And it took a very short period of time to break the arm. But when we're dealing with these kinds of things, hormonal imbalance, and fatigue and GI distress and that kind of thing. It's not something that typically happens overnight. It's usually something that has taken a long period of time. So when we're thinking about correcting it, it also is going to take a long period of time. And depending upon somebody's complexity in terms of all the different things they have going on, maybe they've been bitten by ticks and so they've got some pathogens that came over from a tick bite. And on top of that, they were in a building that had mold and on top of that, you know, they ended up eating a whole bunch of crappy food for a long period of time because they thought that the healthy whole grain diet was perfect for them. And I'm raising my hand. So for people who are listening to this, like, that is something that has happened to me. And so it made things very complex. So we need to think about it from kind of a much longer term, and how can we look at this in an endurance standpoint, as opposed to that sprint to the finish line standpoint, so that we are keeping our mental health up at the same time that we're working on our physical health, because this can be one of those things, when we're dealing with chronic illness, it's very easy to slip into having some mental health issues, stuff happen, chronic anxiety, chronic depression, you know, those kinds of things come up. And a lot of that has to do with the language that we're using about our current circumstances, and how we're wishing it was different.
Evie Takacs 20:54
Definitely, I just keep thinking of how powerful the language is. And you and I have talked about this, just in conversation of the language that we use about ourselves about our healing process. It's extremely powerful, because I'm experiencing this right now for myself. So this episode is really convenient for me to have this extra reminder that the language that I have about my own health, and where I'm at right now, really does matter. And it's making me question as I'm listening to you how much of the quote unquote, issues I'm going through have to do with the thoughts that I've had most recently about my body, about my health, about my body's ability to heal? It's a good little audit for me right now of what have my thoughts been? And what does that language been? And have I been using words like never or always, and so it's good for me to go in and remind myself of, hey, you know, you might need to do a little bit of check here with your language, because this might be actually what's holding you back and preventing you from feeling better.
Toréa Rodriguez 21:52
Absolutely. And, and thank you for sharing that. Because, you know, it's easy for us to talk about it, because we've had some experience with it. We've had some coaching training, both of us have had some coaching training, I'm currently enrolled in additional coaching training to really look at language, and how language can help us with these kinds of things. But it's really important to understand that we are not immune to having these things happen. Evie and I both focus on our health as a primary goal in our lives, or a primary focus in our lives. And when we are not achieving what it is that we want, or we're recognizing that things have shifted. We're just as prone to this kind of language stuff as anybody else. And so, you know, it's super helpful to have a conversation with somebody who knows how to recognize these language patterns. Or you might even notice friends of yours that tend to be more optimistic, an abundance mindset versus a pessimistic or scarcity mindset. Those are the people that you want to gravitate towards, right, so that you can learn from that. And you can always ask them, you know, hey, is there anything that I'm saying that would give you an indication that I am limiting my own thoughts or limiting myself and it's vulnerable, to get that kind of feedback. But that kind of feedback is the opportunity that we can use to be able to be aware of these things and start to make changes around them. Because you're absolutely right. I mean, we can all get trapped in this like, mindset thought thing. And, you know, when you're seeing certain things in your own health, it's easy to get stuck there. And having that kind of feedback, or having a conversation or going and listening to a podcast, it could be this podcast, it could be any other podcast, whatever that happens to be for you to remind yourself that, oh, hey, maybe some of the stuff that I've been having happen recently has a lot more to do with what thoughts I'm using what words I'm using that kind of thing. So yeah, thank you for sharing that.
Evie Takacs 24:02
Yeah, always, I think it's important to continue talking about it and let people know that, again, we're not immune to it. And I think talking about it is also very helpful. Because sometimes you don't realize that you're using this language. So like you said, if you have a friend who can maybe check in on you or check base with like, Hey, am I using this language? Because I didn't really realize that I was saying that until you and I started talking about it. You know, we were talking about it. And I thought, Oh, my goodness, I had no idea I was using this language. And I think that really opened up another door for me of like, Hmm, I think I need to go down this a little bit because I think this could be contributing to why I feel this way. Because again, otherwise, I'm like, there really aren't any major things that could be going on. But I think it's my thoughts and my language around this.
Toréa Rodriguez 24:50
Yeah, I would guess if you're willing to share, you don't have to share but I guess that those phrases are things that you've heard a lot throughout your life. Right. So it's so subconscious, it just comes right out. And we don't really even recognize it as, oh, that language pattern may not be the most supportive for what I'm using. Do you want to share the phrase or the words that were going through your mind?
Evie Takacs 25:17
Yeah, in recent history, I've been experiencing some GI issues, right. And this is not foreign to me, I've done this before, I know what it feels like, I know when things are off. But I'm coming off of a pretty good season of I've been feeling really good, my energy had been great. Digestion had been great. I felt like my body was changing in positive ways physically, which made me feel comfortable for movement, and just, you know, in my own skin, right, as a female, that's important to me. And just recently, you know, last month or so, I started noticing like, a little bit like I'm holding on to some water weight, or my digestion is a little bit slower, or like, I don't feel like I'm emptying out. And those are all things that I haven't experienced for a while. And I realized that this could be common for people. And so I was like, Gosh, I really hate feeling this way. Because I know how good it feels to feel good. And what I started saying to myself is, this always happens to me in the winter, the lack of sunlight, the lack of movement, I'm not outside running around like I usually am. And this always happens every winter. And that's when Toréa went, That's really interesting. Does it always have to happen? And is this true? And, you know, it's easy for me to gain weight in the winter, and this happens, and, and just that immediate, like, Oh, that's interesting made me stop and think like, Oh, that is interesting. I wonder if that's true. And, you know, or, and it's like, I'm expecting these things to happen to myself, because they have happened in the past, I'm just expecting that this is going to happen. So then my question like is this self sabotage of this is what usually happens in the winter. So this is what I'm just expecting it to happen. So then I'm doing behaviors, I'm having thoughts that support that expectation, that really doesn't even need to happen. So that's kind of what I'm going through. And hopefully, I'm not alone. I mean, I hope that some people like you don't like experienced that. But I hope that I'm not completely off. It feels like torture sometimes, because you're trapped in your own head, and you're like, Oh, my goodness, it's like this loop that I just want to step outside of and get out of it. And it's this, this should and this, this always happens. It's like, well, that has happened in the past, but you're such a different version of yourself than you were two years ago, three years ago. So you don't need to think that that's going to be who you are. Now, just because you have been that way in the past.
Toréa Rodriguez 27:38
Yeah, this is such a perfect example of the way that we get caught into this loop, because we'll have a thought. And almost immediately after that thought there is an associated emotion with that thought. And when we feel an emotion in the body, most of us can feel that emotion somewhere in our physical body, what we're actually feeling is we're feeling different messenger chemical pathways that are happening in the body, that's how emotions work within the body. And so when that happens, that will elicit particular behavior or habits that are going to reinforce that emotion because now the body is looking for, oh, hey, I'm sensing this messenger, you know, compound in the body, let's make more of it. So then the behavior happens. And when the behavior happens, then it's the Oh, but I have this emotion about that behavior, which then elicits the other thoughts. And it's kind of this vicious loop that can happen, which is why it's important to pay attention to the language, because that gives us an opportunity to break that cycle. So when you were saying self sabotage, you know, sure, it could be self sabotage. But it may not be self sabotage, either. So there could be the subconscious habits that are starting to happen when we think that, Oh, I'm expecting this to happen in the winter time, which could then lead to, oh, well, if it's going to happen, then I can relax on what I'm eating. And maybe I won't go take my walk after dinner. And you know, I think I'll just get into little winter hibernation, and, you know, be like a big old fat happy bear. Right. So that's how this stuff can cycle through. So I think it's really great that you share that example. Because a lot of us have experienced stuff like that, where our biology and our body starts to change and things start to give us different signs and signals. And immediately we have a thought about it, and resulting emotion about it. And that's where that cycle starts. So paying attention to the language is the key for us being able to shift that into a different direction.
Evie Takacs 29:46
Absolutely. Hopefully, that was helpful. And I know I have some work to do around my language now. And I already started thinking about it since we talked yesterday and I'm like, okay, like I'm checking my thoughts a little bit more.
Toréa Rodriguez 29:58
Good good. Yeah. So One last piece that I wanted to say about this topic before we wrap up is that it's not only about language around, not achieving something that we were trying to achieve. It's also language about starting. So I just wanted to point this out, because this is one that I get caught up in a lot is when I want to start something new, but I don't. And I find myself repeatedly not starting something, it's usually because I'm getting caught in the all or nothing language, the "Go big or go home." So for example, when I switched from cycling to walking, it wasn't, quote, unquote, enough for me to go for a one mile walk around the block, it had to be five miles or whatever, right? Whatever my brain was expecting was a go big size. So I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't walk because if I couldn't have the time, or have it be in the perfect situation, or on the perfect trail, or whatever, I just wouldn't do it. So being cognizant of that kind of thinking, too, is another way that we limit ourselves. And our abilities is if we're doing that go big or go home thing,
Evie Takacs 31:13
Definitely, I remind myself that it doesn't have to be zero or 100%. 80% is still passing. And that can still be good enough. And I've learned over the years to that the little tiny habits again, that might seem like they're minute or they don't matter, they really do add up to being that 100%. So it might seem really micro in the moment. But it really does add up to the macro goal that you're really working towards.
Toréa Rodriguez 31:39
Absolutely, absolutely. So I guess as a takeaway for this episode, you know, just pay attention this week to how often you think the word Never or Always. And just see what happens and see what you notice. Let curiosity be your guide. Thanks for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Have a great week.
Hey, thanks for joining us for this episode of the Wildly Optimized Wellness podcast. If you're ready to dig deeper into your health, stop playing the Whack-a-Symptom game, start testing to get better guidance, you can find more about Toréa at torearodriguez.com and you can find Evie at holisticallyrestored.com. Want a peek into what it's like to work with us? Come join us at our Optimized Wellness Community. You can find the invitation link in the show notes below. And if you have a question for the show, you can submit your question under the podcast section of torearodriguez.com. Finally, if you found something helpful in this episode, don't forget to leave a review, hit that follow button or share it with a friend. They're gonna love that you thought of them. Until next time, see you outside!
